May 12, 2025

“You can observe a lot by just watching.”

Yogi Berra

When we watch others we learn how to act “as if.” As parents aren’t we supposed to model for our children how we want them to behave? The same is true in recovery, we should be behaving in way that we want the newcomer to adapt to. We should be modeling patience and tolerance in all the things that we can, we will mess up of course, we are addicts and alcoholics. We should be practicing faith in our higher power, which is where I sometimes falter, especially now a days as I watch my husband die of cancer and wondering why. This is why we need strong sponsors. We need people in the program who have what we want and practice what is in the 364 pages of the Big Book.

Think about page 82 of the Big Book where it recalls all the patience the wives and mothers have had to have with us, the alcoholics. Should we not demonstrate at least part of that? Think of the patience that our employers and friends have shown us over the years, should we not demonstrate that? Of course we should, but we need to observe those people who are doing it better than we are first, especially when you are newly sober.

Perhaps for some neurodivergent people it easier to learn by observing and others it is more difficult, for me personally I need to observe, to read, and to do simultaneously. I have found that while I learn well by observation I need to also see something in print, like the Big Book offers, and then to practice what I have learned in order to retain it. I am and will always be grateful that the program allows for adaptation for those of us who need it.